three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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