hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
