im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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