I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
