I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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