Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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