Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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