I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
