They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
