I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
