so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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