I CAN MOONWALK!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
