laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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