I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
