i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
