im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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