Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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