All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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