So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
