hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
