she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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