We're facebook friends in real life
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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