my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
