So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
