this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
