We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
