we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
