Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
