just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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