I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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