So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
