I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
