i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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