I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
