the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
