i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
