Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i came on her dog
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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