i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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