everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You took a bar mat shot.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
