I just gift wrapped bread.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
