So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
