Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
