yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
