I wish i was in the wii world.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
