He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
