Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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