He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
