the condom got lost in my hair
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
