my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I need moral support for this bender
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh god it's open bar.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
