I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
