I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
