The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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