Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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