My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
